Un orange bohème...: I don't know if it hurts, I want to have control..

Τρίτη 8 Σεπτεμβρίου 2009

I don't know if it hurts, I want to have control..

I can sense a huge blank inside me. The past few days actually. Well, no, since I came back from holidays I feel like that. I do not know what changed, nothing of great significance happened to my life, nothing exciting or different. Everything were so cruelly normal and usual, as they always are.

.....

Maybe I grew up more than usual.

(this is a part of a collage I made, saying: ''I would try to teach children THE UNIVERSE'', ''dream and stars'' and ''rub off THE INFINITY'' )

I wish I were the dreamer I used to be. At times I feel so terribly cynical and rational, which I never was! I can't help making the wrong choices in my life and keep sacrificing my wants. It's always so disappointing...

(an interesting shot, I think, I did during my holidays.edited by me..)

I dunno what makes me write these things here. I just need to talk...

Saturday night my friends and I had a party in the cute ravine near my house (a quite big area actually, with a small stream crossing it, full of trees, flowers and weeds in the middle of some cement buildings, that's what we call a ravine. A lovely place to be...). We had beer, drinks, lots of cigarettes (yes, I broke my records!) and definetely music. We sat on straw carpets and danced among the trees. It was an amazing feeling to be in the middle of no one's attention, yet in the centre of our carelessness, dancing and shouting with friends without being watched over. Just us...

Telling them:

''If I was to freeze time,

it would be now''

and promising to always be like that...

It was a strange night actually. At times I felt so lonely and vulnerable knowing that all these moments will never be mine, instead they'll end up being some 'pleasant memories' lost in time or even be forgotten... Knowing that everything is going to vanish without my permission. It's my life I can't control, not time.